JUST THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS LAYIN IN BED
DRINKIN A BEER AND SURFIN THE WEB
HOPIN TO FIND THE TRUE LOVE OF MY LIFE
SOMEONE NICE WITH A LOT OF CLASS
SOMEONE SINCERE WITH A GREAT ASS
SOME LUCKY LADY I COULD MAKE MY WIFE

NOW IT'D BEEN AWHILE SINCE I'D HAD ME A DATE
AND I WAS MORE THAN READY TO FIND ME A MATE
CAUSE I WAS GETTIN TIRED OF OLE ROSIE PALM
I GUESS IF I WAS GONNA CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE
I'D HAVE TO GET ME ,  MY OWN PROFILE
SO I LOGGED ON TO WWW MISTER LONELY DOT COM

I FILLED OUT THE PART BOUT MY AGE AND WEIGHT
AND ALL THE THINGS I LOVED AND THE THINGS I HATE
THEN DOWNLOADED MY PICTURE TO MY P.C.
IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO GET MY FIRST REPLY
FROM A ATHLETIC LADY  , LOOKIN FOR THE PERFECT GUY
SOMEONE GOODLOOKIN , HONEST AND MODEST LIKE ME

SO I TOLD HER ABOUT ALL MY FINEST FEATURES
AND ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I WAS GONNA TEACH HER
AND HOW I HAD THE TIME IF SHE HAD THE PLACE
SO I FOLLOWED HER DIRECTIONS AND RUNG HER BELL
THATS WHEN THINGS STARTED GOIN TO HELL
CAUSE HER PICTURE DIDN'T MATCH HER FACE

SHE HAD A BIG CROOKED NOSE AND A EVIL EYE
AND A TATTOO THAT SAID  , LOVE ME OR DIE
SHE HAD THE BIGGEST ASS  , MAN HAS EVER SEEN
WELL MY EYES BUGGED OUT AND I COULDN'T SPEAK
SHE STARTED TO LAUGH , THEN SHE KISSED MY CHEEK
AND I STARTED FEELIN SICK AND WEAK IN THE KNEES

SHE SAID , WELL , HELL , I GUESS IT'S O.K.
CAUSE YOUR UGLY , BUT IN A CUTE KIND OF WAY
THOUGH YOU LOOK BOUT AS SMART AS A SPUD
AND YOUR NOTHIN LIKE YOUR PROFILE
BOY YOU MISSED IT BY A COUNTRY MILE
HELL WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN THERE STUD

SO I OFFERED HER MY APOLOGIES
THEN WE ENGAGED IN ALTERNATIVE ACTIVITIES
WE MADE LOVE  ALL NIGHT , TILL WE WERE  NUMB
I CAME SO CLOSE TO LOOSIN MY NERVE
BUT IN THE END I GOT JUST WHAT I DESERVED
ALL THANKS TO WWW MISTER LONELY DOT COM
WWW MR LONELY DOT COM